If Only I Could Hug My One-Year Younger Self, I Would. Pt. II How Things Worked Out Anyway

I became a Software QA Engineer.

As of writing this, I'm still an SE1. A trainee. And I will stay as one for 6 months. 46 days for bootcamp, the rest for shadowing.

The bootcamp was challenging. I was the only one with no background of programming. I know no programming language. I know no tool.

But they deemed me trainable. I don't want to lose this chance.

I am happy with how my career is going.

If I Could Only Hug My One-Year Younger Self, I Would. Pt. I - How Fucked Up Things Were.

I read my previous entries and that explains the title.

Again, I am happy and I realized that today over a food trip with my college friend. As insensitive and harsh as it sounds, I realized it when I compared my situation with hers. I am lucky. I am blessed.

The stupidly fucking fuckety fuck DepEd Order No.7 was a blessing in disguise.

I had an opportunity to stop doing something I do not like and start doing something I actually do like even when I'm not really good at it. Better to be at the bottom of the ladder you like than be at the top of a ladder you hate.

Realizations over Quesadillas and Milk Tea

At this point in time, I could say that I am happy, and intrinsically so.

More than a year has passed since my last entry and yes that line is so fucking familiar and a lot has changed. For one, I am happy and satisfied and content; that really means a lot to me.

No, I am no longer a teacher and the last string trying to connect me to that field has been cut just a week ago. I am now on the last quarter of my (46 days) training as Software QA Engineer.

No, I am not yet financially free but I am working on it.

No I still do not exercise but I do try to walk a lot when I am  not that tired. I am also trying to adapt a healthier lifestyle.

No, I still do not have my ideal weight but I lost a little more than 4 kgs since the start of May.

No, I still do not have a nice skin but I at least do not have my almost immortal serious breakouts. I can go outside the house without needing to apply BB cream (and yes, I had that period when my confidence is at its lowest when it wasn't that high even from the start).

No, I still am not that patient of a person but VERY gradually, I'm trying to look for a workaround LOL.

No, I still do not have my dream phone but I could just give it to myself as a birthday gift. (Well, if circumstances won't allow it, Baguio on December I still won't feel much regret over it).

No, I still am not stable on my career but I'm taking it one step at a time even when I have to run and supposedly chase it.

P.S.: I bought Munchkin Loot Letter today. It's a test-of-friendship kind of game.

PPS: Had a quesadilla at Casa Quesadilla and Milk Tea at 7Tea8. That was my first time at the latter and I fell in love with the place. They were playing a cover of Radioactive by Imagine Dragons!

PPPS: MY PHOTOS ARE GONE! I NEED TO REPLACE MY BANNER AND PROFILE PICTURE!

New People and Ruined Feels

Last Thursday, I finally met quite few new people in my school. Mostly my co-teachers from different department. I had fun talking to the teachers from Faculty 4 (I will be in Faculty 2, first table you'll see when you open the door. I'll probably be the receptionist of our faculty.) They seem cool and fun.

Second Pair and Two Halves Missing

I guess I only received 2 additional half-brains. I was able to do downward 4-petal flower, albeit a VERY clumsy one. I get extra spins on every other petals and they're all over the place. I haven't even started on upward 4-petal flower and there's still the fucking antispins which would need further additional pairs of brain. And then there's the triquetra (and its antispin). And my planes! How can I do plane-brakes if my planes are ALWAYS fucking skewed. And I can't even do a beginner buzzsaw without hitting my fucking face. Butterfly behind the back and turns. Upward threading the needle. Crossers. Aaaaargh. Fuck. I wanna do fluid motions soon.

PS: Finished and graduated BBS and well, I just fucking hope everyone forgets what I fucking did yesterday.

PPS: Unannounced GA's are schedule ruiners.

Damn Lyricist

There's an albatross around your neck,

All the things you've said,

And the things you've done,

Can you carry it with no regrets,

Can you stand the person you've become,

Ooh there's a light

Some words just really strike you in the dead of the night (or any other time that you're in the cover of darkness). 

BBS1

I regret a lot of things I did and said today.

Hopefully, that will be the last.

Never again.

Just 10 months, remember?

PS: Second day of not practicing poi. I'll try to practice a little when I wake up.

PPS: I wish I wont be in her group. Please.

PPPS: Got my first debit card today.

Missing Coordinators, ATMs, Modules, Flowers and Glasses

I am tired and I don't have much valid reason why. And hell, it's just still Monday.

We had a moral and spiritual seminar/orientation. I don't want to comment on that. Just be satisfied with "I am so out of place." I don't know why. I believe in God but I am doubtful of the church. And I don't really like this type of events. And to think that we'll have a two-day basic bible seminar starting tomorrow. Hell, I haven't even read the bible.

Missing Lifestyle Points

Yesterday morning, when I logged in Sims Free Play, ALL my fucking Lifestyle Points are GONE! I don't buy them, I save them to buy a house I want. I had almost 50 LP. ;A;

There is a problem with their Cloud too. I just hope that they will fix it and when they do, I wish they'll return my points.

/heartbreak

Still Undelivered

My request for four additional brains is not yet fulfilled. Fucking flowers. 

This is why beginners should not insist on doing intermediate level routines.

First Day

My job started today.

General assembly with a little orientation in the morning. I can't even fucking remember 10 names of my colleagues.

Luuuuunnnch. More than 2 hours lunch break. First time to use the chips to buy food. I will avoid the fried pork chop in the future. There's a drinking fountain on the 2nd floor. 40 php rice allowance per day isn't enough.

Early Morning Conclusions

I really should not have done that.

But, yeah, fuck it.

Late Night Musings II or Maybe an Early Morning One

Wao. I'm trying to write my second entry for today. What has gotten into me?

Hopefully, this isn't rude and annoying as the last one.

I still don't know what I wanna do next. And I had written about it (in different ways) several times and somehow come to conclusion and then a few weeks or days later, I'd want to retract my words and come up to a new one. Fickle.

Late Night Musings

I know I should  not try to write blog entries in the middle of the night. I'm mostly a nocturnal creature. It's the time when I can think the most, feel the most. So, thus results in overly-emotional, regretted-in-the-morning-or-at-least-the-next-time-I-wake-up entries.

Ahh, but fuck it. I probably need the release anyway.

I don't know what to do next. I'm discontent. I'm thankful of a lot of things. I'm disappointed with the rest. And I think I'm not grateful enough and I don't like it.

Of Work, Wedding and Wake

I have not touched this blog for more than a year and I have no excuse as to why I didn't logged in even once, didn't view it even once. I think I had a few things I could have made a post or two about -- I fucking finally graduated and took my licensure exam, for fuck's sake, the sense of failure during my graduation, the jitters of waiting for the result, the little visit to St. Lukes, the speech in front of thousands of teachers in Cuneta Astrodome-- but I didn't. Maybe there's a post or two coming about that. Maybe.

And this post might be mostly confessional, mostly illogical and mostly emotional in nature.