If I Could Only Hug My One-Year Younger Self, I Would. Pt. I - How Fucked Up Things Were.

I read my previous entries and that explains the title.

Again, I am happy and I realized that today over a food trip with my college friend. As insensitive and harsh as it sounds, I realized it when I compared my situation with hers. I am lucky. I am blessed.

The stupidly fucking fuckety fuck DepEd Order No.7 was a blessing in disguise.

I had an opportunity to stop doing something I do not like and start doing something I actually do like even when I'm not really good at it. Better to be at the bottom of the ladder you like than be at the top of a ladder you hate.



Describing my one year (10 months really) teaching experience in that private school as toxic is the understatement of the year. I hate hate hate hate hate it. I became more hateful that I regularly murder people in my head. I was not able to save anything at all because I had to pay for medicines and treatments I needed due to stress. I only had one sassy gay friend. I hated life. I hated myself for envying others.

And then a blessing that I did not know was a blessing back then came. And now I am happy I am taking my small steps on a path I actually want to tread on.

Last February, I finished the application for the public school as a teacher. It was a breeze. My credentials on that field is like a golden ticket. The application was more or less a formality but I still did comply.

Complying involved going absent on a Monday to go to the Division's Office and waiting for almost 4 hours for the evaluators who fuckingly said we're not actually needed that day and may we please go fuck off after they fought among themselves in front of us.

Complying also involved creating 3 application folders because one is too common and two is not enough. It also meant hundreds of sheets wasted because they forgot to mention photocopies are only accepted when they are on long bondpapers. They also forgot to mention that they will not accept your photocopy of diploma so you better scrap them. Oh wait! On the second thought, they looked good, so why not make new copies? Oh, your seminar certificates? Nah, scrap them too. Who cares?

Complying meant that you go to your evaluator school when you're called, not attending your current work, just so you could find out that you're only supposed to fucking design your application folders. Who wants to read those without colorful flowers and butterflies? Who likes to read 3 copies of more than 50 pages of paper without colorful pictures? Definitely not  the evaluators. Credentials? Who cares? They're not colorful enough! Add more pink there and then they'll probably open your folder.

And then month of love passed hatefully. March marched and went without words. Early April came with an order. Come to Division's Office at exact 12 noon.

We did and waited for the evaluators for 2.5 more hours. They came with a news. DepEd suddenly woke up and felt old. He wanted to be in. So why not irritate the applicants, nullify the application that happened and make it semi-online because hell, everything should be online. To make a point, let's use an inadequate and buggy web application that supposedly "have" a support team, that outputs error on every click. AND LET'S MAKE THE DEADLINE BARELY A WEEK FROM NOW! That was a great idea.

So again, I tried to apply online, apply for a job I know was not for me. I was able to complete it but the UAN they were supposed to send back to me was still an uncovered mystery better left unraveled.

On the deadline they have given us for the UAN submission, April 17, I decided I was through with it. I was lost and desperate. I decided I would apply as a call center agent and try to earn money. I would try to pay my way through an IT school. I was about to send my resume.

Then my brother-in-law found out.

He was furious. He knew that job was not for me. Then he found out I wanted to try a career on IT field. He suggested I try to apply directly to a decent company and get relevant training there. That was a Friday. Within two hours, my newly-constructed resume was sent to two global IT companies. And the next Monday, PW called. I was scheduled to take a test the next Thursday, April 23.

April 23 came with English words I encountered for the first time. I was solving Math problems without any formula. I went home that day feeling that I did bad. I found out it was actually a Harvard entrance exam. It was normal to feel stupid after taking that test. I was not expecting any calls even when the HR said they'd inform us a week from then. That night, I received one.

The next day, I was scheduled to take another test that deals more about logic and reasoning, an essay writing, an informal interview (where the interviewer confessed that she was not expecting anyone from my batch of examinees to pass at all) and a not-so-technical technical interview. That day, I went home with a job. I signed their contract that comes with a 3-year bond. I got the job. I celebrated it in Maginhawa. I went home happy.

I got my golden ticket away from the teaching field. I'm free. I really am happy. It was a great step. It was a start.